that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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