Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
