If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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