They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
