wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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