onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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