I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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