i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
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I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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