I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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