somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
