onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
