woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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