The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
