You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
