Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
