What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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