There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
