Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
