i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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