Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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