Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
