The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
