I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
