Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
