Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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