phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize