I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
