We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
