Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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