I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
