If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
