Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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