You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
