I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
