Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
