no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize