I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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