I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
