At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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