yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
