is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
