Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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