so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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