come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
