For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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