Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
