i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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