I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
