i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
