you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
