I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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