So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
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margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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