If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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