I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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